Commit to the Climb

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Cycling Through Life

In my spare time, I love bicycling. Florida has great bike trails. And, before moving to Florida, I pedaled the Blue Ridge Parkway in southern Virginia, where I came to love the climb to Thunder Ridge, the highest point in Virginia on the Parkway. From the James River basin, it's 12.5 miles--all uphill--to Thunder Ridge. The 3600 foot ascent is no joke. I’ve done it more times than I can remember…and it’s tough every time. I enjoy it, but I wouldn’t call it fun. It’s hard. It’s challenging. It’s exhausting. It’s relentless. But, you know what else it is?

It’s rewarding. It’s gratifying. I’ve never reached the Ridge and regretted the ride.

Why? Because 1) the view from the top is amazing and; 2) I’m different at the top than I was at the bottom: my legs, my lungs, my heart—and my spirit—all better for the work. The journey teaches me every time—about pacing and persistence, about staying "in the saddle." I learn that, although it isn’t easy, it’s definitely worth it.

And that’s true for all the best things in life.

It's certainly true of marriage.

Cycling Through Love

All those words that describe the mountain also describe marriage: hard, challenging, sometimes exhausting. Truly, marriage is not all uphill. The analogy is not perfect. But, sometimes marriage is not fun. Sometimes we struggle. Sometimes, it’s a grind. And, just like on the bike, it’s tempting at times to give up.

But, that isn’t why I came. I didn’t come to quit.

Sadly though, with marriage, too many couples do. Aiming for the summit, with high hopes, they start off well. But it gets hard, grueling, not what they expected. So, they quit. They tap out. They cheat. Some "quit quietly." They just stop trying. Marriages die in many ways. There’s more than one way to leave.

Sometimes, when I have miles still to go on the mountain, I play a little game in my head that helps me stay in it. I pick a spot twenty or so feet ahead and tell myself, “Just get to that spot…just a few feet.”

And, when I get there, I pick another spot twenty more feet ahead.

I don’t think about climbing to the top…just climbing a little bit more.

Some days in your relationship, you can’t think about solving all your troubles, resolving all your conflict. So, just make this day good. Just love your partner for this day. Just make it through this week.

The author Robert Anderson said, “Every marriage has grounds for divorce. The trick is to find grounds for marriage.” So, find a reason to stay on the mountain one more day, one more moment, aiming for higher ground.

John Gottman discovered that the majority of couples who stay in the game, even—especially—when it’s tough, say later that they’re glad they did. Perhaps it’s because the view from the top is great. They’re stronger for the trip and, best of all, it may not be easy, but it’s worth it.

It’s so worth it.

Commit to the Climb

If you’re one of those couples committed to the climb, in it for the long haul, but maybe are feeling depleted because the mountain is so steep and you're tired, don't quit. Let me suggest a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. You can get to the top. And a little coaching along the way makes the journey easier and more enjoyable. Don’t just endure the hard times. Hold Me Tight®️ will help you and your partner team up to smooth out the steep places. Imagine facing challenges and actually becoming stronger, closer for the effort. Believe me, it’s possible. Couples like that are bulletproof! That’s what Hold Me Tight®️ can do.

The science behind Hold Me Tight®️ makes sense. The tools are practical and the confidence you’ll gain together will make mountains more like mere bumps in the road.

No one ever said marriage is easy. But, if you stay in the journey, and with Hold Me Tight®️ guiding you, you’ll find that, even if it isn’t easy, it’s worth it.

It’s SO WORTH IT.

Our next couples retreat in Florida is next month. Commit to the climb! Sign up today.

Learn more about Vicki and Mark

Get ready for a life changing experience!

The View from the Top is Worth the Work!

Couples who attend a Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Florida learn to reach higher ground in their relationship

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Picture this pleasant scenario with your partner: you have a complaint. You’ve tried to overlook it, but you’re fed up. You’re irritated, so your complaint has a critical edge. “Why don’t you ever get home from work on time? You’re always late.” Your partner, feeling unfairly blamed, is understandably defensive. “I’m not always late. And why are you so negative?” You might trade these attack/defend barbs for a while, neither feeling heard. But, then someone raises the bar and things get hotter. “You’re so self-centered. Why in the world did I marry someone so thoughtless?” “Me self-centered? That’s insane! You are disgusting!” Now, the gloves are off. You’ve escalated and things have gotten personal…you’re going for the jugular. This is intense and painful and will likely last until someone taps out. “That’s it; I’m done! I’m out of here.” One of you shuts down and becomes a stone wall. The conversation stops, but not the conflict. Maybe for an hour or a day, or longer (I’ve seen it last for years) it’s a Cold War, or at least an uneasy truce. Slowly, the smoke clears and eventually things get back to a kind of normal—until the next explosion. And the more it happens, the further apart you and your partner become, to harder it is to reconnect and the more desperate your love feels. Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

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